Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
