I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.