idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.