I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
