It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk