Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
