Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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