my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
