No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
