is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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