why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
