Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
