remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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