i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
