I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize