I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
