well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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