Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
