clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
