porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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