So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
