I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
