I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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