She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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