You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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