I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize