How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
soo... how was my night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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