Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
