I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
