We're facebook friends in real life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
