In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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