she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Bring me that man meat
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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