No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
