I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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