So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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