the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
