I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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