Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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