Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
