I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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