maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize