remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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