i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
