we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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