smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
