Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
