Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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