I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
