yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
