is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
