Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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