Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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