thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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