If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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