4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize