I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
