found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
