Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
