Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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