Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
