I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
