Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
