Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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