I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
