If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
