If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just cropdusted the office
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
