Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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