I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
should my penis look like a turkey
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
